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A Very Polite Policeman

(originally in English)

There was a man who repaired typewriters, and one day he was called into a building to do a repair. So he went there, but when he looked for a parking space, he couldn't find one.

In the big city sometimes it's difficult to find a parking space. So he parked in a no parking zone and put a note on the indshield of his car that said, "I'm Joseph Goldsmith, working inside the building" to let the police know that he had to do some work. So when he finished repairing the typewriter, he came out and saw another note next to his note that said, "I'm Jeremy Flagler, police officer, working outside the building." With the note was a ticket.

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Don't Let the Dogs Bother You!

(Originally in English)

While driving down a winding country road, a man came upon a youth running hard with three huge dogs snarling at his heels. The man screeched his car to a halt and threw open the passenger door. ¡°Get in, get in!¡± he shouted.

¡°Thanks,¡± gasped the youth. ¡°You're terrific! Most people won't offer me a ride when they see I have three dogs!¡±

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Psychic Mailman Needed

(originally in English)

There was an idiotic guy who wrote a letter and put a stamp on it and everything. Outside the envelope he wrote, "To my Brother, the Engineer in Saigon."

When his friend looked at the envelope, he said, "My God, why did you address the envelope like that! How will anyone be able to find your brother?"  So the first guy said, "You idiot, I only have one brother who's an engineer!"

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Such A Lawyer!

(Originally in English)

A lawyer was walking down the street when he saw a car accident. He immediately ran over to the accident scene and handed out his business card, saying,  "I'll take either side. I saw everything.

Whichever side, or both sides I'll take it."

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Potato Punishment (Originally in English)

There was a man who went to a restaurant and ordered some food. After receiving his order, he suddenly called to his waitress and said, "Please, come here." When the waitress came, he showed her a potato on his plate and said, "This potato is very bad." So the waitress picked the potato up, spanked it, put it back down again and told the

man, "Sir, if this potato makes any more trouble for you again, just call me."

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The Juror with a Secret

(originally in English)

Once there was a juror who told the judge that he didn't  want to be away from his job too long serving on a case  as a juror. So the judge said, "But can't they function  without you at work?" And the man said, "Yes, but I don't want them to know that!"

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Who¡¯s on Vacation?

(originally in English)

There was a man who was walking to a train station with two friends at his sides. Because the train was delayed, the three of them sat down for a cup of coffee. And then they also drank some alcohol.

After a while they forgot all about the train. So they drank and talked, and talked and drank. But then they heard the final announcement that the train was leaving so the three got up and ran. And the man who was walking between his two friends had drunk too much and fell a little behind and couldn¡¯t catch up. The other two caught the caboose and went away with the train. Then the man, the one who had been between his two friends, stopped there and laughed and laughed again. Everyone around the man began to look at him and said, "What are you laughing at? You missed the train,

you know?" And the man said, "Yeah, Yeah, I know I missed the train, but I¡¯m laughing at my two friends because they had supposedly just come to see me off!"

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The Dilemma of the Ideal Partner

(Originally in English)

A young man who was very depressed asked his best friend for advice. He said, "I want to have a wife so much. You know, I am already very old, and I need a wife. I want to have a wife so much, but I have not had one up till now. What can I do? Every woman I bring home, my mother does not like." So his friend said, "Oh! That's easy.  You just have to look for a woman who looks like your mother." So the friend said, "Yes, I did, but then my father did not like her!"

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Only In It for the Money

(Originally in English)

There was a couple that was having an argument in their home over financial problems. And the wife finally got very mad, and exploded saying, "You should know that if it weren't for my money, this television set wouldn't be here. If it weren't for my money, that easy chair that you're sitting on wouldn't be here, either. And, if it weren't for my money, this house wouldn't even be here!"
And then the husband said, "Are you kidding? If it weren't for your money, I wouldn't be here, either!"

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The Too Honest Speedster

(Originally in English)

Once a woman was stopped by the police, and the police

officer asked her, "You were driving 70 miles an hour in

a 50 mile-per-hour zone. Did you know that, ma'am?" So

the woman said, "Yes, sir, I know." Then the officer said,

"At least you're honest. So, why were you driving so fast?"

And the woman replied, "I'm sorry. It's because I didn't see you."

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